Did You Ask First?

It was back in 2001. I had gone with my best friend for the renewal of our bus pass. Those were the days when we had limited access to money and a person with principles like mine had fewer still (I used to earn Rs 25,200 per year from my 2-hour tuition classes and Rs 17,500 was my yearly college fee.There's a story behind how and why I started earning but that's for another time. Well, with a total of Rs 7,700 left- I had to manage my clothes, gifts for friends, books and an occasional eat-out. No, I didn't want anybody to help me. Come on, I was an adult. Though in India, kids will forever be kids for their parents no matter how old the kids get. Even now after being married for a decade, I find it difficult to spend my husband's money. Thankfully, I am low-maintenance). So here we were at the bus stop after getting our bus pass renewed for three months for Rs 100. It was a half-day for us at college and there were fewer buses in the afternoon. Green line DTC buses were scheduled to come every 15 min, sometimes two buses would arrive together. So while we were still on the other side of the road, waiting to jay-walk our way to the bustop, we saw two buses pass by. That meant the next bus would come after 30 minutes. It was really hot and we were out of water. Unfortunately, the local water vendor was also out of water. There was a small restaurant next to the bus stop and my friend suggested we get water from there. But I was hesistant as that would have meant a setback of Rs 10. She was like no- we aren't going to pay. Now, I belong to a house where we have been taught never to ask anyone for food and say yes to water only if asked. So you get the idea. So, I told her it's not worth it. To which she said- what's the harm in asking? At the most, he'll say no. Anyhow, I tagged along . And to my surprise, the restaurant owner told the waiter to give us water. Here we were two happy souls relishing the taste of sweet icy-cold water going down our parched throats. Out of habit, I still asked if we had to pay anything for it but he politely declined and also asked the waiter to refill the jug so that we could fill our water bottles. So, a simple request for water had taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life. This memory came back to me when I got married. I am still very hesitant to ask for anything and always assume what the other person might think. To this, my husband always says- 'Did you ask first? At the most, you'll get a 'no'. If you get a 'yes', well and good; anyhow, you were expecting a 'no'. His exact words are: 'Na to hain hi , haan ho jaye to kya burayee hain?' This simple question has saved my life many times. Merely asking somebody (rather than assuming) has earned me a lot of stranger-tunred friends, change in shift timings, got me a free cab to and fro during my pregnancy, shifts according to my convenience, my first skiing lesson from complete strangers again, answers to questions from complete strangers and what not? Once my husband had forgotten my passport at home and the fingerprinting center was about to end for the day when merely bu asking, they agreed to stay half an hour more and we were able to travel to U.S. in two days. Also, another time. the social security administration personnel stayed back an hour after the office hours. There are numerous other examples but I can't remember them off the top of head. Next time you are in trouble, need help or clarification of any kind, don't hesistate to ask. Remember the one who asks a question is stupid for 5 minutes, but the one who never asks is stupid for a lifetime.